Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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