This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
