I will die if light touches me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sober January is a disaster.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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