I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize