my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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