I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
