he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
