am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize