Can Purell be used as lube?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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