Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
