I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
