Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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