You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
