He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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