Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
