So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
