I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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