Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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