batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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