just come out here and I will go home with you...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
