the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
