Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
