# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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