So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
