apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
