My room smells like vodka and shame
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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