Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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