Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
