quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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