I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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