His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
