just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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