Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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