margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
