She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There r osticjed everywhere
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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