I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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