Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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