the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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