Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
