I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
are you still at the devil's house?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
