So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
