So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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