I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
