thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
