I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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