I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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