I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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