i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
