Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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