I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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