Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
