Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
