He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
