it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
