I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
