i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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