I want to have your abortion
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize