I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
a search helicopter?!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
