wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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