When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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