you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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