Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
