i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
