Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
