there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
