Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
