idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
