was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
