i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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