I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
