we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
