I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
