she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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