Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize