All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize