I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When are your genitals available?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
