If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
