come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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