now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
smell my finger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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