bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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