i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
