Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
